Darrell - Chapter 1 - 3

SUMMARY

Darrell Brooks is having a hard time dealing with his twin brother, Dale’s suicide. When two of his childhood friends take a road trip to a small, rural town in Alabama, they convince him to go along. Unable to return to St. Petersburg to face his demons, Darrell makes a life for himself in Memphis, Tennessee. He lands a job, forms new friendships and falls in love. During his stay in Memphis, he sees first-hand how crack cocaine destroys two lives. Will secrets, lies and regrets destroy him, too?

***I wrote this book many years ago when I was fresh out of high school. Therefore, the writing style will probably differ from my current books. 

CHAPTER ONE

When Darrell stepped into the apartment he shared with his brother, a deadly silence greeted him. Usually, music would be blasting from the stereo or the TV would be on. Never was it so quiet.

“Dale,” he called out, but received no answer. He turned the knob to Dale’s room, cracked the door and peered in. Dale didn’t say anything, but he was lying across his bed staring at the ceiling.

“Didn’t you hear me calling you?” Darrell asked. Dale’s gaze left the ceiling and settled on Darrell. There was so much pain reflected in his eyes that Darrell could immediately feel it. He knew that something was seriously wrong with his twin. “What’s up?” he asked. “Did something bad happen?’

“Not really.” Dale shrugged. “I just got dumped by Tanya, that’s all.” Dale tried to make it sound as if he didn’t care, but his voice cracked, giving away the hurt.

“Do you want to talk about it?’

 “Naw, man. It’s nothing really. I’ll get over it. You don’t have to worry about me.” Even as he spoke the words Darrell didn’t believe them because tears formed in his eyes. He turned his face away.

Darrell walked over and touched him on the shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“I’ll be okay,” Dale managed to get out. “I just want to be alone right now.”

“Okay. You know where to find me if you need me.” Dale nodded and Darrell walked out of the room. Before he closed the door behind him, he saw that Dale had buried his face in his pillow.

Darrell felt shaken as he headed to his own room. He’d never seen his brother so devastated, not even at their parents’ funeral. Dale was the strong one, the unyielding one. He never broke down. Seeing him so vulnerable had unnerved him.

Darrell shook his head to clear a feeling of melancholy, entered his room and headed to his bureau dresser. He stood there for a while and studied himself in the mirror.

He looked exactly like Dale. They had identical low-cut fades, only he had a part on the left. They both had the same small birthmark, only Darrell’s was on his left cheek and Dale’s was on the right. Looking at himself, he couldn’t help thinking of Dale. An unexplainable sadness settled over him. He tried to shake it, but it lingered.

After watching Dif’rent Strokes Darrell tried to do his homework, but he couldn’t concentrate. He had too much on his mind. He got up, went over to the dresser again and opened the bottom drawer.

It was still exactly where he had left it. He lifted it out and held it in his hand. His index finger curved around the trigger, and he pulled.

Nothing happened. The gun was empty. He had hidden the shells underneath his clothes.

At first, Darrell felt nervous about keeping a gun, but he’d tossed those feelings aside. He needed a weapon for protection from them. Everywhere he went, he knew they weren’t far behind him, watching. They made him sick to the core. He was sick of being harassed by them, and he felt that it was time they knew it. The gun was going to be the way he showed them. It was the solution to all problems.

He stared at it for a while longer then placed it in the back of the drawer under some clothes. He slid the drawer closed and left the room.

After checking on Dale, who still didn’t feel like talking, he grabbed his jacket and headed out.

***

Darrell sat at one of the picnic tables at Campbell’s Park. He didn’t want to think about his parents dying. He didn’t want to think about Dale’s breaking up with Tanya and him acting all strange now. He just wanted to clear his head of all thoughts.

“Hey, punk.” Startled by the voice, he turned around. “Don’t you have something that belongs to me?” He stared into a pair of bloodshot eyes. “Don’t sit there looking stupid. Give me what’s mine.” It was Weasel, the last person in the world he wanted to see. Darrell stared him up and down with open disgust. Weasel had to know how much he was hated. “What you waitin’ on? Give me my money,” Weasel hissed.

Darrell looked over his shoulder and scanned the area to make sure no cops were around and reached into his pocket. He pulled out a large sum of money, walked over and handed it to Weasel. Weasel placed the money in his pocket, not bothering to count it. He smiled showing brown, decayed teeth.

“Good job, sissy,” he said. “Keep up the good work.” Darrell turned to go, but Weasel stopped him. “Not so fast. You have another job to do.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag. Darrell’s hand shook as he took it. Weasel looked at him with narrowed eyes. “You look feminine.” He tried to be insulting, but Darrell let it slide.

Weasel lit a cigarette and puffed on it for a few seconds then he blew the smoke into Darrell’s face. Inside, Darrell’s blood boiled, but he remained in control. Weasel sucked away on his cigarette, watching Darrell intensely. Just as Darrell was beginning to lose his patience, Weasel spoke again.

“You been doin’ a good job so far, but for some reason, I don’t trust you. If I ever even think that you’re cheatin’ me, you’ll regret the day you were born. Understand?” Darrell just smirked. Weasel looked at him as if he’d lost his mind, then he got mad. “What’s so damn funny? I’m serious. If you go out on me, I promise you, you’ll pay.” By this time his cigarette had burned down to the butt. He looked at it then looked at Darrell and tapped the ashes onto the front of his shirt. “See you the next time after you sell that and get my money.”

Darrell left seething with anger. He hated Weasel. He wished he’d never gotten involved with the man. But, he’d had to make money somehow. Working a part-time job didn’t bring in enough money to pay the rent and bills. After his parents’ died, things had gotten bad. Selling drugs to make some fast cash had been the only solution he could think of. Now, he regretted how he’d sold his soul to the devil. 

On the way back home, he stopped at a neighborhood store and bought a soft drink. As he drank it, he saw a group of guys watching him. Weasel saw to it that he did what he was told. Even if he wanted to break away, how could he? They were always watching him. He had nowhere to hide.

He felt a great urge to give the whole group the finger. Instead, he walked away as if he hadn’t noticed them at all.

***

Darrell leaned against a pole as he waited in the darkness. He was still uptight over the scene with Weasel earlier. He hated the creep more than a person should be allowed to hate another human being. He promised himself that one day Weasel would get what he deserved.

He relaxed as he thought about the gun. Yes, Weasel would be the one to pay.

Darrell saw a shadow over by the building. He approached the figure and asked, “What you need?” The crack head nodded and told him. Darrell gave him what he wanted and the fiend left as silently as he’d come. Darrell gazed after the man. He counted the money and slipped fifty dollars into his shoe. He thought about Weasel finding out then he thought about the gun. He laughed aloud and headed for home.

CHAPTER TWO

Dale just wasn’t himself anymore. He never wanted to talk and when Darrell tried to get him to open up he’d just get angry. Darrell was worried because he didn’t know what was happening to his brother. He knew Dale had cared deeply for Tanya, but was she worth what he was going through? Darrell missed the laughter the two of them had shared. They had been so close, now they seemed to be drifting further and further apart. He didn’t know what to do, so he just tried to bring the old Dale back.

Darrell finished his homework and grabbed the basketball. He rapped on Dale’s door. Even though Dale didn’t answer, he pushed the door open and stepped into the room.

“Dale, let’s go play some basketball. How about a game of  twenty-one?”

“No. I don’t feel like playing.” Dale was lying across his bed staring at pictures of Tanya.

 “Well, let’s walk down to Reds Snak Shack and sit down to eat. Let’s do something. Man, you can’t just stop living because of some girl.”

“Darrell, she was more than just some girl. She was my future wife, the mother of my—” His voice trailed off and he shut down. “Do me a favor and just leave me alone. Okay? I don’t want to play basketball. I don’t want to do nothing. I just want… I just want to die.”

“What?” Darrell’s eyes widened. “Don’t say stuff like that, Dale. One girl isn’t worth this much pain. You’re talking crazy. What’s the matter with you? You don’t want to die so stop talking like that.” Darrell wanted to shake some sense into his twin, but he just shook his head. “I’m going out because I refuse to hang around and listen to you talk like this. Do you want to come or not?”

There was a long silence before Dale spoke.

 “No.”

Darrell threw the basketball he’d been holding against the wall in frustration. He let the door slam as he stormed out of the apartment.

The beach was about a mile away and walking there helped him to clear his head. He felt that Dale was really unlike himself. In his opinion, a girl wasn’t worth all that pain. When would Dale come out of it and return to normal? He’d tried everything he could think of to reach his twin, but Dale remained unresponsive. The weight of the world seemed to settle over him.

The sun settled over the horizon and it began to get dark. He jogged back home. Not too far behind him someone was watching.

He tried to talk to Dale again when he returned to the apartment.

“Why won’t you talk to me about how you’re feeling?” he asked.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” Dale had the basketball that he’d left there earlier. He bounced it casually against the wall and caught it in his hands.

“Yes, there is. Don’t keep it bottled up inside. Talk to me. Please.”

“Dare, you could never understand what I’m going through. You’ve never been in love before, and you’re still a virgin.”

“Ouch,” he said.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that, Tanya did a horrible thing—but no one would understand so why should I talk about it?”

“Just to get it out of your system. Maybe you’ll feel better. What did she do?”

“I can’t talk about it. Just leave me alone.”

“I’m sick of you saying that. That’s all you ever say. I want to help you.” 

“Nothing you say can help me. So why don’t you just forget about it? Okay? Now I want to be left alone so please just go away.”

“Dale, I just don’t know what to do about you- I just don’t. You’re so different now. I can’t get through to you. Man, the way you’re acting… it scares me. I just wish the old Dale was back.”

“Well, don’t hold your breath until he returns.”

Darrell exhaled. “I’m not going to give up on you, man. You’re my twin. So when you hurt, I hurt. Maybe if you tell me what happened, we’ll be able to figure something out together.”

Dale stared at him and shook his head. “This is a secret I’ll take to the grave,” he said quietly.  He resumed bouncing the basketball against the wall and catching it. “Close the door on your way out,” he said quietly.

Sitting around worrying about Dale wasn’t going to help the situation. Darrell left the apartment and went in search of dope fiends looking for their next fix. He couldn’t believe how easy it was to sell drugs. Crack was the new drug on the block. Being highly addictive, once a person took one hit of the crack pipe, they were soon hooked. At night the junkies scurried out of hiding like packs of rats, looking for what they craved and Darrell gave it to them. He didn’t try to preach or tell them to turn their lives around. He just did what he was paid to do so he could go home. Besides, if he didn’t get rid of the drugs Weasel had given him, Weasel would have no mercy. He’d heard about ex-drug dealers paying a high cost to get out of the drug game. He wasn’t sure it was a price he was willing to pay.

It was past midnight when Darrell returned to the apartment. Every light in the place seemed to be on. Dale usually left only the kitchen light on if Darrell was out.

Darrell stepped inside cautiously and looked around. Nothing seemed to be out of place. Maybe he was just on edge because of Weasel and Dale’s behavior earlier.

He looked into Dale’s room and found it empty. Clothes were strewn all about and the bed was unmade. He had become so sloppy since he’d broken up with Tanya. He used to be the tidiest person around, but now it seemed as if he didn’t care about anything. Now, he tossed his clothes all over and wherever they landed they stayed until Darrell got tired of looking at them and picked them up.

Darrell gazed around his brother’s room and frowned. He wasn’t in the mood to straighten up now. It was late, and he just wanted to get some sleep. He had no idea where his brother had slipped off to, but at least he had left the house. Maybe he was on his way back to being the old Dale again.

Darrell walked into the kitchen and stopped in his tracks. His grandmother was sitting at the table. She appeared to be asleep. Her old, bony hands were crossed over her breasts and her head was bowed. Darrell moved closer.

She jumped, startled.

“Grandma. What are you doing here?” He rushed over to hug her frail body close to his chest. When he pulled away there were tears in his eyes.

“Let me look at you. Look how you’ve grown,” she exclaimed as she studied him.

“Grandma, did you run away from that place?” Darrell got straight to the point.

  “Now don’t you go worrin’ yo’self about that,” she advised. “I didn’t run away. I walked.” She laughed softly. The laughter soon turned into coughs.

Darrell was afraid she wouldn’t catch her breath. He got her a glass of water from the kitchen sink, which she sipped. She seemed better as the coughing subsided, but her face had a dull grayish tint to it. Darrell was worried.

“Grandma, you shouldn’t have left the nursing home. They have people there who can take care of you. You know you need to take different medications that we don’t have here.”

“Oh, I’m not worried ‘bout none of that,” she said. “I came to see my babies one las’ time.” She smiled at him fondly. “I’m weary, baby, just plain tired.”

 “If you don’t feel well you can lie down in Dale’s bed. He’s not home.”

She nodded and, he went to remove the clothes from the bed. When he returned, she was fast asleep on the living room sofa. He retrieved a blanket from the closet in his room and spread it over her. He watched her chest rise and fall as she slept.

“Grandma, what am I going to do with you?” he whispered. “I hate to send you back to that place, but you can’t stay here.” He gave her a gentle peck on the forehead and went to his room.

Darrell overslept the next morning and had to rush to get to school on time. Dale was up eating cereal. He apparently had no intention of getting to school that day.

“Dale, do me a favor and call the nursing home and let them know Grandma is here,” he said as he rushed to make toast.

“Why does she have to go back?” he asked. “She can stay here with us. I’ll take care of her.”

Darrell stopped in his tracks and his brow rose. “Lately, you’ve barely been able to take care of yourself. You know she needs more care than we can give her. She’s old, Dale.”

“I know that, but… why does everybody we love have to go away?”

Darrell sighed. “Dale, if I could think of a way to have her here with us, I would. You know that.”

“I know,” Dale said.

“So will you call the nursing home as soon as you finish breakfast?” Dale nodded and focused on his cereal.

Darrell got his books. His grandmother was still asleep on the couch. He kissed her on the cheek, gave Dale a wave good-bye and hurried out.

They were both seniors in high school. Dale rarely attended school, but Darrell went every day. He wanted to get finished and put it all behind him. Dale would no doubt end up repeating the twelfth grade if he didn’t get it together.

Darrell ran up the stairs in front of the school. All the girls standing around turned to stare at him, but he didn’t notice. He happened to be a very handsome young man with his low cut hair and smooth brown complexion. He had no idea just how handsome he really was.

He didn’t particularly like school, but he did like his music class. He actually loved it. He and a few of his classmates had formed a group of which he was the lead singer. They often performed for their school and for other high schools. The other guys were thinking about making it big but Darrell just did it for enjoyment. Dale used to be a part of the group, but he’d dropped it as he’d done everything else since his break up with Tanya.

Darrell often saw Tanya in the hallways, but she never looked his way for she was always too busy acting like she was a queen with so many of the guys worshiping her. He really couldn’t see what Dale saw in her. Sure, she was pretty, but he didn’t find conceit and vanity attractive at all.

That day the band played a lot of songs Darrell loved. He sung his heart out. After the last bell rang, the other guys hung after school to practice because they were going to perform at a night club, but Darrell headed home. He was in an excellent mood.

His good mood vanished as soon as he saw the ambulance in front of the apartment. He rushed inside, fear clutching at his heart. Dale was sitting motionless with tears running down his cheeks.

“What’s going on?” Darrell’s voice was filled with concern.

“It’s Grandma...” He couldn’t finish. He raced from the room.

Darrell rushed over to where his grandmother was lying. The attendant was kneeling next to her.

“Is she… is she ....”  He couldn’t get the word out.

“No,” he was informed. “She’s going to be fine, I think. She had a mild heart attack.”

 Darrell went to tell Dale that she would be all right.

“No, she’s not. She’s going to die,” Dale said evenly.

“Don’t say that. She will get better. Let’s ride with her to the hospital. OK?”

“No. I don’t want to. You go on without me.” Darrell hesitated, but decided it was useless to try and coax Dale to come so he left.

A few days passed and their grandmother, Mabel, seemed to be doing fine then all of a sudden she took a turn for the worse. She had another heart attack so severe that there was nothing that could be done to save her. It happened on the day Darrell had finally convinced Dale to go to the hospital with him to visit her.

When they entered her hospital room, they saw her lifeless form on the bed and knew she was dead even before they touched her cold hand.

Dale turned to his brother with an empty look in his eyes. “I told you she was going to die,” he said in a flat tone.

Darrell didn’t have a response. He wanted to fall to his knees, look up at the sky and yell at the top of his lungs, “Why?’ Instead, he silently pushed the call button to summon the hospital staff so they could tend to his dead grandmother’s corpse.

The funeral was a small affair held the following Sunday at the funeral home. Most of Mable’s friends had already passed on before her, so not many were in attendance.

Neither Darrell nor Dale cried. They stared with emotionless faces throughout the service. Afterwards, Dale left without a word and Darrell went to take Weasel some money and to do another job. He refused to think or feel, that way the pain was easier to bear.

CHAPTER THREE

After the death of their grandmother, Dale withdrew even more. He stayed locked up in his room, and never attempted to make conversation. Darrell tried, unsuccessfully, to bring him out of his depression, but nothing worked.

One night when Darrel looked in his drawer the gun seemed out of place. He wasn’t sure if he’d left it like that or not. Was it on top of his clothes or underneath? He couldn’t remember. He placed it back in the drawer, this time making sure it was tucked under the clothes.

***

Darrell will always remember the day Weasel almost killed him. It was Friday the 13^th. He’d never been a superstitious person, but his beliefs changed that day.

As usual, he took Weasel the money from his sales. When he gave it to him, Weasel counted it, something he’d never done before.

“I heard you’ve been cheatin’ me,” Weasel said, narrowed eyes glaring at Darrell.

“Why would I do that?” Darrell spoke with more calmness than he felt. He knew what he’d been doing, but thought he’d been careful no one had seen.

“One of my sidekicks said he saw you pocket some cash the other night. Is that true?” Darrell didn’t respond right away, just looked down at the ground. “I asked you a question. Is it true?” Weasel barked.

Darrell lifted his eyes. “Do you think it’s true?” he asked in an even tone.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you. I ought to kick ass now and ask questions later. I’m tryna give you a chance to explain why someone would tell me you been stealin’ from me. Didn’t I tell you there’d be consequences if I ever found out?” Weasel walked up close to Darrell and jabbed his index finger in his forehead. “Did you think you could get away with it, punk?” Their eyes locked.

Darrel slapped Weasel’s finger away, and he glared back at him. “I did get away with it,” he said. He felt satisfaction when he saw the look of surprise then outrage cross Weasel’s face.

Suddenly, the shorter man sprang at Darrell, catching him off guard. Weasel punched him so hard in the right temple, he saw lights. The blow staggered him to his knees. When Weasel came at him again, he delivered an uppercut to his stomach. Weasel doubled over and Darrell leapt up. Just as he was about to swing again, three guys appeared and rushed him. Unable to defend himself, he tried to block the blows as best he could. He felt fists hitting him in the ribs, nose, mouth, eye, and all over his torso. One blow caught him in the temple, where he’d already been hit by Weasel. He went down again.

 For a while everything went black, and he could hear his ears ringing. He tried to get back up, but every time he moved, they’d hit him and kick him. When they finally finished beating him, he was left lying on the ground in a bloody heap.

He didn’t know how long he’d been out, but when he finally regained consciousness, he struggled to his feet. He inched his way through the neighborhood. Even though he was a battered, bruised, bloody mess wearing a torn shirt, no one paid him much attention. If they did notice his condition, they turned a blind eye to it. Thankfully, it was dark, and he made it home without being accosted by the police.

 When he remembered the way they’d attacked him like savages, the rage consumed him. His thoughts filled with how he’d get even.

I’ll get them all.

His mind numb to the pain in his body, once he got home, he raced inside and headed straight to his room. He rushed over to the dresser and snatched open the drawer that contained the gun. The adrenaline that had been pumping through his veins came to an abrupt halt and the color drained from his face.

It wasn’t there. The gun wasn’t there.

He threw all the clothes out of the drawer in his frantic search to find it. He knew he’d left it there. There was only one explanation as to why it was gone.

His feet led him in the direction of his brother’s room. “Dale,” he called. “Did you move my gun?” He received no answer from behind Dale’s closed door. “Oh, shit.” A sense of dread came over him, and he felt it in his gut that something wasn’t right. “Open the door, Dale.” He pounded on the door, but Dale still didn’t answer. He used his shoulder and crashed through the door causing it to open with a loud crack.

The sight that greeted him abolished his anger and replaced it with shock, disbelief and horror.

“Oh, God. No. No,” he said, as the tears welled up in his eyes and spilled over.

He ran over to Dale who was lying in a pool of blood with the gun clutched in his hand.

“Why did you do this, man? Why?” he cried as he sank to his knees and pulled his brother’s cold body against his chest.

Dale’s eyes stared back at his twin, unseeing, dull, and lifeless, as he rocked him back and forth, sobbing uncontrollably.

***

It was hard to believe Dale was gone. The funeral was held the following Sunday, exactly two weeks after their grandmother’s funeral. Darrell couldn’t cry even though it felt as though a part of him had been ripped away. His heart ached for the brother he had loved so much, but never got the chance to tell him one last time.

Darrell knew he had to get his life together. At times, he felt like joining his twin, but he dismissed those types of feelings. He went back to school since he couldn’t afford to miss too many days. It was hard to get through a normal school day because everyone knew about Dale and people loved to gossip.

He felt he had to do something or either break. It was too difficult for him to stay in the same place he and Dale had shared. Everything reminded him of his twin. So many times he’d find himself holding something that used to belong to Dale and he’d have no idea how he’d picked it up or why. Tears would form in his eyes.

He refused to go into the room that had been Dale’s. It was too soon. He couldn’t even bring himself to touch the knob on the door. He kept dreaming about that night and would wake up in a cold sweat. He was almost afraid to sleep. Nothing eased the ache in his heart. He needed his brother, his twin, his best friend. He missed him so much that it hurt to even breathe. And he didn’t know how to make the pain go away.

***

“Darrell.” Someone pounded on the door. Darrell reluctantly got up to see who was there. He was still half asleep.

“Hey. Open up. It’s me, man. It’s Gabe.” Darrell recognized the voice as Gabriel Jackson’s. He hadn’t seen his friend since he’d left St. Petersburg six months prior. He flung the door open.

“Gabe,” he greeted. They hugged each other with no shame.

“What are you doing here?” Darrell asked.

“I just graduated and decided to hit the road. I’m officially an adult,” he said.

“We still have a week until graduation,” Darrell told him.

 “I know, Willie told me. That’s why I came here. As soon as he graduates, me and him are heading to Alabama.” He stopped talking abruptly and stared at Darrell with a serious expression on his face. “I won’t even tell you I know how you feel right now,” he began. “Because I don’t.” His voice cracked and he had to stop. He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “Say, how about you come to Alabama with us?”

Darrell didn’t even hesitate. It was the answer to his prayers. It would give him something to do with his time and maybe help ease the pain of Dale’s death.

“Sure. I’ll come. It’s not like I got anything else to do,” he added.

“That’s what’s up,” Gabe exclaimed. “Man, this trip is gonna be so dope.”

“I’ll be traveling with two goof balls, so we’ll have to see about that,” Darrell cracked.

The following Saturday, Darrell made up his mind to sort out Dale’s belongings. He was just about to enter the bedroom when Gabe stopped by.

With Gabe’s help it wasn’t as painful as he’d anticipated. Together, they packed Dale’s things.

“I’ll never forget him,” Gabe said when they stood together and stared around the now-empty room. His face stiffened and his eyes clouded over, and he swallowed several times.

Darrell wiped at his own eyes. “No. Dale won’t ever be forgotten. Whenever anybody looks at me they’ll remember him.” He elicited a deep sigh. “Let’s get out of here.”
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